Many older divorced or widowed men and women are in the same boat. You're probably not desperate enough to stalk your neighbors, or to go looking for friends with benefits in all the wrong places (bars come to mind).
They feel protective of their privacy and peace of mind, but they haven't become eunuchs or hermits. But offered a chance to reconnect with someone from your past — dinner with your high school steady, for example — you might just surprise yourself by winding up in bed.
The next morning (or even that night) come the recriminations: Was it wrong to give that person the sexual green light when you had no intention of rekindling the emotional side of the relationship?
Marilyn, a 57-year-old single colleague of mine, recently reconnected with someone she had worked with many years ago. "No," Marilyn said with a laugh, "it's better than that: I'm in like with him — and that's exactly where I want to be." She further confided that they planned to make their reunions "a regular thing — if four times a year can be called 'regular.' But I think that's about all I really want." Marilyn's casual approach to maintaining a friendship with benefits typifies the mindset of older folks who have reconciled themselves to having "great fun" even if it's "just one of those things." And episodic pleasure-seeking may be more common than you think: In The Normal Bar, a book I wrote last year with Chrisanna Northrup and James Witte, we reported that 61 percent of female survey respondents who had partners fantasized about someone they had met.
For 50-plus types unwilling to walk — possibly rewalk — the path that leads to romance, rings and relocation, the prospect of a "friend with benefits" is looking less and less like a millennial indulgence.
After all, it gets awfully lonely waiting around for "the one." Perhaps you've decided that what you need at this point in your life is someone to talk to and laugh with — someone with whom you can share the sheets, but not the tax refund.
A new study published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior shows Americans are having less sex, with the most drastic reductions in frequency recorded among couples in marriages and committed relationships – so much for the so-called “marriage advantage!4 - In no event shall be liable to you or anyone else for any direct, special, incidental, indirect or consequential damages of any kind, or any damages whatsoever, including without limitation, loss of profit or the claims of third parties, whether or not advised of the possibility of such loss, however caused and on any theory of liability, arising out of or in connection with the possession or use of the data.5 - You agree to indemnify, defend and hold harmless Match.com, its affiliated entities, directors, officers and employees from and against any and all liabilities, losses, damages, claims or demands asserted against resulting from your misuse of the data.It took Saigon to illuminate my hypocrisy and to remind me that in an era when the virus of American culture devours and replaces almost everything it touches, we have to remember that “culture” falls all over the good-bad spectrum and so does Westernization.In Thailand, a few friends told me I would never be able to get Vietnamese people to talk about their dating culture.